Hi, I'm John
If you're like me, then it's time to find that special person to befriend, marry, and raise as many kids as we can afford in a country, beach, or mountain town.
This website contains all the basics about my lifestyle, values, and expectations.
It is not a joke.
Now, without further ado...
Swipe Up To Begin
{
"id": "playlist",
"type": "text",
"title": "Further ado...",
"enOnly": true,
"fun": true,
"text": "<p>Here is a playlist to set the mood while you're exploring the rest of this site.</p>\n<p>So, girl, put your records on. Play some of my favorite songs, just go ahead let your hair down...</p>\n<p>and then tighten that hair back up because we're about to get serious.</p>\n<p><em>In general, when you're ready to move on to the next section, swipe up.</em></p>\n",
"links": [
{
"url": "https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6vHcDgnb33PpmGLubupEo1?si=2eb94c94043f4239",
"title": "Play on Spotify"
},
{
"url": "https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/date-john-teasdale/pl.u-yZyVE3XIYNld6x",
"title": "Play on Apple Music"
}
],
"cards": []
}
{
"id": "photo-swipe",
"type": "photo-swipe",
"title": "Photo Swipe",
"bios": [
"While you’re swiping through, allow me to tell you about myself. ➡️",
"I am a dual citizen (🇨🇦/🇺🇸). My father is from Vancouver and my mother is from NYC. As you would expect from my mixed heritage, I am entitled and loud, but very polite. ",
"I am 6'3 on dating apps; which translates to 6'0 in real life.",
"As a baby, I had blond hair, blue eyes, and once paid my younger brother half of my allowance to do all my chores. So, you could say I worked in finance.",
"My mom’s favorite story from my childhood: One day, after performing some mundane task any child could do, I proudly proclaimed: “I’m handsome, and I get the job done.”",
"This is still true today.",
"Here are some of my other green flags:",
"🇳🇬 I have many friends (I will have 13 groomsmen, or none), but only one is single.",
"🇵🇰 Instagram has been trying to sell me online courses on teaching infants how to swim.",
"🇳🇫 I grew up building houses with my dad, and thorougly enjoy home maintenance.",
"🇧🇷 I do not drink, smoke, or do drugs; I have no tatoos, secret children, or ex-wives (psychotic or otherwise).",
"🇨🇨 I've never been to jail.",
"Boring, I know.",
"I even misspelt 'tattoos'.",
"However! I am not a total square. I have a motorcycle license.",
"But do not have a motorcycle.",
"And if I give you a ride on anything resembling a motorcycle, you will wear a helmet no matter how good your hair looks.",
"Professionally, I have a particular set of skills that are in high demand.",
"Since you are on my website, you have guessed one of them. ",
"I am the co-founder of a tech company with one of my best friends.",
"We joke that, as his best friend, he hired me out of nepotism. However, I gave him a 70% discount on my skills. ",
"So really, I did the nepotism.",
"I consider it good practice. When I have kids, I plan to give them every unfair advantage possible.",
"One of those advantages will be health. The only cereal my kids will taste will be sneakily eaten at sleep overs.",
"For fun, I like padel, freediving, karaoke, and board games. I guarantee that you will not guess my standard karaoke songs.",
"I also am re-learning how to play the saxophone.",
"That's enough for now, but there are more photos.",
"When you're done, swipe up to see what's next. "
],
"swipeLeftToasts": [
"Wait.",
"Why are you swiping left?",
"There are no other options here.",
"Guess what?",
"Still me.",
"It's a good thing I have these safeguards in place.",
"You could have thown away everything we could have had.",
"Our entire future.",
"If this was Tinder, that swipe would have dissapeared our kids.",
"Boom, another one. Little Emma Teasdale. Gone.",
"But considering how this is going, I'll probably have her with someone else.",
"Alright.",
"Alright!",
"ALRIGHT ALREADY! Maybe I'm not for you. ",
"Not everyone needs to be for everyone.",
"But maybe you have a friend who I'd be perfect for.",
"Send her the link.",
"Especially you're super cool and pretty friend who guys are always falling over.",
"your *",
"Okay, we have a plan, right?",
"Right!?",
"Okay, new plan...",
"Here is chapter 1 of Harry Potter.",
"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. ",
"They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. ",
"Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills. ",
"He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. ",
"Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors. ",
"The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere. ",
"The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. ",
"They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters. ",
"Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be. ",
"The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. ",
"The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. ",
"This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that. ",
"When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. ",
"Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work, and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair. ",
"None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window. ",
"At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls. ",
"\"Little tyke,\" chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. ",
"He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive. ",
"It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar -- a cat reading a map. ",
"For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen -- then he jerked his head around to look again. ",
"There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. ",
"What could he have been thinking of? ",
"It must have been a trick of the light. ",
"Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. ",
"It stared back. ",
"As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. ",
"It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive -- no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs. ",
"Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. ",
"As he drove toward town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day. ",
"But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. ",
"As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. ",
"People in cloaks. ",
"Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes -- the getups you saw on young people! ",
"He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. ",
"He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close by. ",
"They were whispering excitedly together. ",
"Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak! ",
"The nerve of him! ",
"But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt -- these people were obviously collecting for something... yes, that would be it. ",
"The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills. ",
"Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. ",
"If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. ",
"He didn't see the owls swoop ing past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open- mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. ",
"Most of them had never seen an owl even at nighttime. ",
"Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. ",
"He yelled at five different people. ",
"He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. ",
"He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery. ",
"He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. ",
"He eyed them angrily as he passed. ",
"He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy. ",
"This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. ",
"It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying. ",
"\"The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard yes, their son, Harry\" Mr. Dursley stopped dead. ",
"Fear flooded him. ",
"He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it. ",
"He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. ",
"He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking... no, he was being stupid. ",
"Potter wasn't such an unusual name. ",
"He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. ",
"Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. ",
"He'd never even seen the boy. ",
"It might have been Harvey. ",
"Or Harold. ",
"There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. ",
"He didn't blame her -- if he'd had a sister like that... but all the same, those people in cloaks... ",
"He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door. ",
"\"Sorry,\" he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. ",
"It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. ",
"He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. ",
"On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passersby stare, \"Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! ",
"Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! ",
"Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!\" ",
"And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off. ",
"Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. ",
"He had been hugged by a complete stranger. ",
"He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was. ",
"He was rattled. ",
"He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination. ",
"As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw -- and it didn't improve his mood -- was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. ",
"It was now sitting on his garden wall. ",
"He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes. ",
"\"Shoo!\" ",
"said Mr. Dursley loudly. ",
"The cat didn't move. ",
"It just gave him a stern look. ",
"Was this normal cat behavior? ",
"Mr. Dursley wondered. ",
"Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. ",
"He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife. ",
"Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. ",
"She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learned a new word (\"Won't!\"). ",
"Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. ",
"When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news: \"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. ",
"Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. ",
"Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern.\" ",
"The newscaster allowed himself a grin.",
"\"Most mysterious. ",
"And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. ",
"Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?\" ",
"\"Well, Ted,\" said the weatherman, \"I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. ",
"Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! ",
"Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early -- it's not until next week, folks! ",
"But I can promise a wet night tonight.\" ",
"Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. ",
"Shooting stars all over Britain? ",
"Owls flying by daylight? ",
"Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? ",
"And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters... ",
"Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. ",
"It was no good. ",
"He'd have to say something to her. ",
"He cleared his throat nervously. ",
"\"Er -- Petunia, dear -- you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?\" ",
"As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. ",
"After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister. ",
"\"No,\" she said sharply. ",
"\"Why?\" ",
"\"Funny stuff on the news,\" Mr. Dursley mumbled. ",
"\"Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today...\" ",
"\"So?\" ",
"snapped Mrs. Dursley. ",
"\"Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her crowd.\" ",
"Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. ",
"Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name \"Potter.\" ",
"He decided he didn't dare. ",
"Instead he said, as casually as he could, \"Their son -- he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?\" ",
"\"I suppose so,\" said Mrs. Dursley stiffly. ",
"\"What's his name again? ",
"Howard, isn't it?\" ",
"\"Harry. ",
"Nasty, common name, if you ask me.\" ",
"\"Oh, yes,\" said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. ",
"\"Yes, I quite agree.\" ",
"He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. ",
"While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. ",
"The cat was still there. ",
"It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something. ",
"Was he imagining things? ",
"Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? ",
"If it did... if it got out that they were related to a pair of -- well, he didn't think he could bear it. ",
"The Dursleys got into bed. ",
"Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. ",
"His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. ",
"The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind.... ",
"He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on -- he yawned and turned over -- it couldn't affect them.... ",
"How very wrong he was. ",
"Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. ",
"It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. ",
"It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. ",
"In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all. ",
"A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground. ",
"The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed. ",
"Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. ",
"He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. ",
"He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. ",
"His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. ",
"This man's name was Albus Dumbledore. ",
"Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. ",
"He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. ",
"But he did seem to realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. ",
"For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. ",
"He chuckled and muttered, \"I should have known.\" ",
"He found what he was looking for in his inside pocket. ",
"It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter. ",
"He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and clicked it. ",
"The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop. ",
"He clicked it again -- the next lamp flickered into darkness. ",
"Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left on the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. ",
"If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. ",
"Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street toward number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat. ",
"He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it. ",
"\"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall.\" ",
"He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. ",
"Instead he was smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. ",
"She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. ",
"Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. ",
"She looked distinctly ruffled. ",
"\"How did you know it was me?\" ",
"she asked. ",
"\"My dear Professor, I 've never seen a cat sit so stiffly.\" ",
"\"You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day,\" said Professor McGonagall. ",
"\"All day? ",
"When you could have been celebrating? ",
"I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here.\" ",
"Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily. ",
"\"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right,\" she said impatiently. ",
"\"You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no -- even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. ",
"It was on their news.\" ",
"She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. ",
"\"I heard it. ",
"Flocks of owls... shooting stars.... ",
"Well, they're not completely stupid. ",
"They were bound to notice something. ",
"Shooting stars down in Kent -- I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. ",
"He never had much sense.\" ",
"\"You can't blame them,\" said Dumbledore gently. ",
"\"We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years.\" ",
"\"I know that,\" said Professor McGonagall irritably. ",
"\"But that's no reason to lose our heads. ",
"People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumors.\" ",
"She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on. ",
"\"A fine thing it would be if, on the very day YouKnow-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. ",
"I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?\" ",
"\"It certainly seems so,\" said Dumbledore. ",
"\"We have much to be thankful for. ",
"Would you care for a lemon drop?\" ",
"\"A what?\" ",
"\"A lemon drop. ",
"They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of\" \"No, thank you,\" said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for lemon drops. ",
"\"As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone -\" \"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? ",
"All this 'You- Know-Who' nonsense -- for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort.\" ",
"Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. ",
"\"It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' ",
"I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name. ",
"\"I know you haven 't, said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. ",
"\"But you're different. ",
"Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of.\" ",
"\"You flatter me,\" said Dumbledore calmly. ",
"\"Voldemort had powers I will never have.\" ",
"\"Only because you're too -- well -- noble to use them.\" ",
"\"It's lucky it's dark. ",
"I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs.\" ",
"Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, \"The owls are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. ",
"You know what everyone's saying? ",
"About why he's disappeared? ",
"About what finally stopped him?\" ",
"It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. ",
"It was plain that whatever \"everyone\" was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. ",
"Dumbledore, however, was choosing another lemon drop and did not answer. ",
"\"What they're saying,\" she pressed on, \"is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. ",
"He went to find the Potters. ",
"The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are -- are -- that they're -- dead. ",
"\" Dumbledore bowed his head. ",
"Professor McGonagall gasped. ",
"\"Lily and James... ",
"I can't believe it... ",
"I didn't want to believe it... ",
"Oh, Albus...\" ",
"Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. ",
"\"I know... ",
"I know...\" he said heavily. ",
"Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. ",
"\"That's not all. ",
"They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. ",
"But -- he couldn't. ",
"He couldn't kill that little boy. ",
"No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke -- and that's why he's gone. ",
"Dumbledore nodded glumly. ",
"\"It's -- it's true?\" ",
"faltered Professor McGonagall. ",
"\"After all he's done... all the people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy? ",
"It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?\" ",
"\"We can only guess,\" said Dumbledore. ",
"\"We may never know.\" ",
"Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. ",
"Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. ",
"It was a very odd watch. ",
"It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. ",
"It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, \"Hagrid's late. ",
"I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?\" ",
"\"Yes,\" said Professor McGonagall. ",
"\"And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?\" ",
"\"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. ",
"They're the only family he has left now.\" ",
"\"You don't mean -- you can't mean the people who live here?\" ",
"cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. ",
"\"Dumbledore -- you can't. ",
"I've been watching them all day. ",
"You couldn't find two people who are less like us. ",
"And they've got this son -- I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. ",
"Harry Potter come and live here!\" ",
"\"It's the best place for him,\" said Dumbledore firmly. ",
"\"His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. ",
"I've written them a letter.\" ",
"\"A letter?\" ",
"repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. ",
"\"Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? ",
"These people will never understand him! ",
"He'll be famous -- a legend -- I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day in the future -- there will be books written about Harry -- every child in our world will know his name!\" ",
"\"Exactly,\" said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. ",
"\"It would be enough to turn any boy's head. ",
"Famous before he can walk and talk! ",
"Famous for something he won't even remember! ",
"CarA you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?\" ",
"Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed, and then said, \"Yes -- yes, you're right, of course. ",
"But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?\" ",
"She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it. ",
"\"Hagrid's bringing him.\" ",
"\"You think it -- wise -- to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?\" ",
"I would trust Hagrid with my life,\" said Dumbledore. ",
"\"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place,\" said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, \"but you can't pretend he's not careless. ",
"He does tend to -- what was that?\" ",
"A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. ",
"It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky -- and a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them. ",
"If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. ",
"He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. ",
"He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. ",
"In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets. ",
"\"Hagrid,\" said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. ",
"\"At last. ",
"And where did you get that motorcycle?\" ",
"\"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sit,\" said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. ",
"\"Young Sirius Black lent it to me. ",
"I've got him, sir.\" ",
"\"No problems, were there?\" ",
"\"No, sir -- house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. ",
"He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol.\" ",
"Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. ",
"Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. ",
"Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning. ",
"\"Is that where -?\" ",
"whispered Professor McGonagall. ",
"\"Yes,\" said Dumbledore. ",
"\"He'll have that scar forever.\" ",
"\"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?\" ",
"\"Even if I could, I wouldn't. ",
"Scars can come in handy. ",
"I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground. ",
"Well -- give him here, Hagrid -- we'd better get this over with.\" ",
"Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward the Dursleys' house. ",
"\"Could I -- could I say good-bye to him, sir?\" ",
"asked Hagrid. ",
"He bent his great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. ",
"Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog. ",
"\"Shhh!\" ",
"hissed Professor McGonagall, \"you'll wake the Muggles!\" ",
"\"S-s-sorry,\" sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large, spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. ",
"\"But I c-c-can't stand it -- Lily an' James dead -- an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -\" \"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found,\" Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. ",
"He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets, and then came back to the other two. ",
"For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out. ",
"\"Well,\" said Dumbledore finally, \"that's that. ",
"We've no business staying here. ",
"We may as well go and join the celebrations.\" ",
"\"Yeah,\" said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, \"I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back. ",
"G'night, Professor McGonagall -- Professor Dumbledore, sir.\" ",
"Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night. ",
"\"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall,\" said Dumbledore, nodding to her. ",
"Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply. ",
"Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. ",
"On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. ",
"He clicked it once, and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. ",
"He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four. ",
"\"Good luck, Harry,\" he murmured. ",
"He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak, he was gone. ",
"A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. ",
"Harry Potter rolled over inside his blankets without waking up. ",
"One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley... ",
"He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: \"To Harry Potter -- the boy who lived!\"",
"...",
"Whelp. That was it. ",
"I admire your tenacity.",
"I promise you there is no more content here, maybe try exploring the rest of the site?",
"But who knows what will be here in the future!?!?!!?",
"Fine."
],
"text": "<h2>Photo Swipe</h2>\n<p>I've promised a lot of things you haven't seen before in online dating.</p>\n<p>All of that is coming, but first let's ease you in with something more familiar.</p>\n<p><em>Swipe right until you're ready for the next section, then swipe up.</em></p>\n"
}
{
"id": "testimonials",
"type": "testimonials",
"title": "Testimonial Swipe",
"text": "<h2>Testimonial Swipe</h2>\n<p>Here are some nice things that my family and friends have to say about me.</p>\n<p><em>Swipe right until you're ready for the next section, then swipe up.</em></p>\n"
}
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},
"text": "<h3>Where am I?</h3>\n<p>After several years abroad, I am back in the USA to focus on pivoting my software buisness. I am fairly flexible with my location,\nbut will spend most of my time between Phoenix, Austin, and the SF Bay Area.</p>\n<p>However, this is a worldwide casting call; I am happy to build a connection remotely or change travel plans for the right woman.</p>\n<p>Also, my wife will have strong family values, so I expect much of our lives will be spent wherever her family lives.</p>\n"
}
{
"id": "2t1l",
"title": "Two truths and a lie",
"text": "<p>Tap the statement that you think is false.</p>\n",
"type": "two-truths",
"items": [
[
{
"text": "I have published a childrens book."
},
{
"text": "I have published a board game."
},
{
"text": "I have published a collection of original fairy tales.",
"response": "",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I am 6 feet tall."
},
{
"text": "My credit score is over 800."
},
{
"text": "The last 4 digits of my credit card are 5309.",
"response": "A little mystery is important in a relationship.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "My Meyers Briggs is ENTP.",
"response": "With a healthy dose of INTP."
},
{
"text": "My Hogwarts house is Gryffindor."
},
{
"text": "My star sign is Sagittarius.",
"response": "I was a sweet, summer child.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I can rap every song on the Hamilton soundtrack"
},
{
"text": "I can hold my breath for 4.5 minutes."
},
{
"text": "I won a national beatboxing competiton.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I spent 2 years as a game show host.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I spent 2 years as a digital nomad. ",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I spent 2 years living in a converted sprinter van.",
"response": "I had a converted sprinter van, but I also had a house.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I danced ballet for five years.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I played Simba in The Lion King. ",
"response": "It was in 4th grade."
},
{
"text": "I played the saxophone at Carnegie Hall",
"response": "I am learning to play the saxophone, but not there.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I have never smoked a cigarette.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I have never been arrested. ",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I have never tasted alcohol.",
"response": "I have tasted many alcohols, but I gave it up in 2015.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I am a trained masseur.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I am a trained pilates instructor.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I am a certified EMT (Emergency Medical Tech)",
"response": "I did all the training, but did not take the exam.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I am a US citizen ",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I am a Canadian citizen. ",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I am an Australian citizen.",
"response": "I do have an open application for permanent residency.",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I wore a metal suit of armor to a wedding.",
"response": "The bride was dressed as Daenerys Targaryen."
},
{
"text": "I have been in 3 weddings.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I officiated a wedding on a pirate ship.",
"response": "",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I have earned 5 figures from Kickstarter.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I have earned 5 figures from podcasting.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I have earned 5 figures as a travel influencer.",
"response": "",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I have been featured at an art exhibition.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I have hosted over 300 scavenger hunts.",
"response": ""
},
{
"text": "I have curated a film festival.",
"response": "",
"lie": true
}
],
[
{
"text": "I set the record riding the mechanical bull at a bar in Montreal.",
"response": "this is a response"
},
{
"text": "I punched out a drunken cowboy at a rodeo.",
"response": "He was literally asking for it (using the literal definition of literally)."
},
{
"text": "I won a line dancing competition in Texas.",
"response": "",
"lie": true
}
]
]
}
{
"id": "values",
"title": "Values & Philosophy",
"type": "text",
"text": "<p>If you’ve made it this far, the rest should tell if we can be\npicture on my lock screen / know where the bodies are buried / Canon\nin D Major / slow dancing in the kitchen to the theme song from Up\ncompatible.</p>\n",
"cards": [
{
"title": "Health and Wellness",
"text": "\nA body not a temple. Temples are solid structures that need a little\nsweeping out every now and then.\n\nA body is a particularly finicky\nhouseplant, or a tamagotchi with 100 unlabeled buttons. It needs\nhealthy food, and the right amount of sunshine, water, and exercise.\nGetting right in your body is the foundation for every other aspect\nof life."
},
{
"title": "Clean Up Little Messes",
"text": "\n<p>Most problems in life are like the crud that sticks to the pan after\ncooking: they clean right up if you address them immediately. Ignore\na mess and it calcifies to the pan. You might give it a good scrub\nthe next day and think that it's okay, but there’s always still a\nbit stuck on there. Every time you cook, your new food ends up\nsticking to the old crud that's stuck there. \n</p>\n<p>\nThis continues and gradually adds layer on layer until one day you look at this crud\ncovered pan, and think: \"How did this happen‽ This isn't the pan I\nfell in love with; a good pan wouldn't crud up so much. Maybe\nthere's a better pan out there; one with more crud resistance...\n</p>"
},
{
"title": "Doing vs Dreaming",
"text": "\nMy good friend and workout buddy (Justin in the testimonials) had a\nmoment of Deep Wisdom when he quipped: \"Don't talk to me about the\nabs that you want, show me the abs that you've got.\" \n\nI think about this often, in a variety of contexts."
},
{
"title": "Immortality Would Be Great",
"text": "\n\t\t\t\t<p>\nIf a pill existed that would halt aging, I would take it in a heartbeat.\nI would do this even if everyone else still got old and died. I make many\nlifestyle choices based on longevity, hoping that this pill is discovered\nin my lifetime.\n</p>\n<p>\nHowever, I know that my body (which is my entire existence and not\na fancy soul-jar) will probably wear down and eventually stop doing\nanything. So I'm not about to spend my one-and-only life sitting around in a\npadded room trying to not die.</p>"
},
{
"title": "Rugged Traditionalism",
"text": "\nI would be an excellent Christian. I ground my actions in compassion, \nintegrity, humility, forgiveness, fairness, and generosity. I believe in\nworking hard to support my family; and not outsourcing the raising of our kids. \n</p>\n<p>\nI just can't get on board with the whole Jesus thing. Why does our relationship need another guy in it?\nThat sounds suspiciously like polyamory. \n"
},
{
"title": "Heroic Responsibility",
"text": "\nMany wish for a better life, few set out to be better people.\n\nWhen you are living a fully activated life, you take full responsibility.\n\t\t\t\nYour knowledge, skills, decisions, and the people you choose to trust are all under your control.\nIf your decisions go awry, the only place you can meaninfgully put blame is on yourself.\n\nThere is difference between responsibility and moral responsibility. If someone \nhurts you, they did a bad thing and they are morally responsible. However, you are still hurt, and \nif you don't get smarter and change your behavior you will get hurt again. \n\nIt's about taking control of your life.\n"
},
{
"title": "Serenity",
"text": "\nNow that you've accepted control, it's time to release it; what a twist!\n<p>\nWe can never predict the future, so if you make a\ndecision--especially a big life decision--because of the anticipated\noutcome, then you open up the possibility for regret. However, if\nyou're proud of the reason you make a decision, then you will never\nregret it, regardless of what happens.\n</p>\n<p>\nI grew up Catholic. While I am no longer religeous, there are a few parts I keep. One is the\nSerenity Prayer, at least the first bit:\n</p>\n\n<blockquote>\nGod, give me grace to accept with serenity\nthe things that cannot be changed,\nCourage to change the things\nwhich should be changed,\nand the Wisdom to distinguish\nthe one from the other.\n</blockquote>\n\n<p>\nThere are some extended versions that go wayyy off the rails. I'd finish it thusly:\n</p>\n\n<blockquote>\n>...and may I possess the clarity and determination\nto move as many things from the former category to the latter.\n</blockquote>\n\t"
},
{
"title": "The Two Worlds",
"text": "\n<p>\nThe first world is Human World. This is the world of justice, morality and rightness.\nWhere people fight about who owns what, what is good, and what is evil. This is the world of\nmeanings and definitions. Where appearance and perception matter more than results.\n</p>\n<p>\nThe second world is the Natural World, which has been around long before humans existed and will remain when we are gone.\nThis is the world where an iceberg will sink an unsinkable ship, no matter how good the marketing is.\n</p>\n<p>\nWe are lucky to spend most of our time in the Human World,\nwhich is much more forgiving. To make your way in the Human World, you\ncan beg, you can plead, you can charm, petition, politic, and come up with clever arguments. You can solve problems with\na bar of chocolate and a back massage.\n</p>\n<p>\nIn the Natural World, you have to be correct.\nAn incorrectly assembled deck chair from Ikea will collapse, no matter how much\nyou scream about how perfectly you followed the instructions.\n</p>\n<p>\nIf it turns out that the instructions actually were incorrect, then your satisfaction at being right does not\nleave you with a usable deck chair.\n</p>\n<p>\nI do not discount Human World skills. But I do think it is important to know the difference, and to\nnot use Human World methods on Natural World problems.\n</p>\n<p>\nOtherwise, we spend all day arguing over definitions, saying things like: “What does 'reality' even mean?”,\nand yelling at broken deck chairs.\n</p>\n\t"
},
{
"title": "Experience vs Expression",
"text": "\nThe breadth of human experience is very narrow, but the breadth of human expression is infinite. \nFandom, politics, sports, creativity, spirituality, and religion \nare all vehicles for us to find connection, purpose, and peace in an otherwise chaotic and uncaring universe. \n</p>\n\n<p>\nThe trick is to not bind yourself tightly to any one thing; instead, derrive your identity from a multitude of \nsources and you will remain strong and confident even when certain paths are taken away.\n</p>"
},
{
"title": "Cosmic Self Awareness",
"text": "\n<p>Humans are particularly clever apes with an innate need to find\nidentity and then convince ourselves (and others) that our\nidentity <strong>means</strong> something.</p>\n\n<p>\nReally, the world as we know it a sandcastle built on a bunch of logs that were tied\ntogether and set adrift in the ocean of the universe. Any metaphorical wave of decent\nsize would wipe us all out, and we've has only progressed this far because the water\nhas been unusually calm for the past 10,000 years.\n</p>\n<p>\nPreviously, I said that the Universe doesn't care about us. This is not exactly what I beleive; humans\nare as much of part of the universe as anything else. So:\n</p>\n<p>\n<strong>Good news!</strong>There is caring in the universe. Bad news, we are the only ones who can do it. \n</p>\n<p>\n<strong>Bad news.</strong> We are the carers, and caring takes a lot of work. \n</p>\n<p>\nThis is why it's important for us to surround ourselves with people and things worth caring about, and constantly try to do our best. \n</p>\n"
}
]
}
{
"id": "merch",
"type": "merch",
"title": "Merch",
"enOnly": true
}
{
"id": "Expectations",
"title": "Expectations",
"type": "text",
"text": "<p>By now you should be well-entertained, which is good because this is where I start manifesting what I want.</p>\n<p>Buckle up, cowgirl.</p>\n",
"cards": [
{
"title": "The Basics",
"text": "\n<p>\nOn my dating journey, I have noticed that most women have \nzero idea of what men want in relationships. \n</p>\n<p>\nAfter completing a quick survey of my seeking-and-in relationship male friends; it's very simple. We want someone who is:\n</p>\n\n<ol>\n <li>Attractive</li>\n\t<li>Loyal</li>\n\t<li>Makes us feel appreciated</li>\n</ol>\n\n<p>\nNow \"attractive\" is a bit of a bugaboo, because it doesn't mean what you think it means \nand it doesn't mean what your friends, instagram, or society says it means. If you \ntake care of yourself and are comfortable with how you look, some guys will find you attractive, and\n—if they are relationship minded—the only way to make them stop being attracted to you is to act \ndisloyal or unappreciative. \n</p>\n<p>\nAlso, it's a huge plus if you make us look like a big shot in front of our friends. \n</p>\n<p>\nIt's that easy. We don't care how much money you make, your wardrobe, your makeup, or your instagram followers.\nWe don't want you to pretend to like what we like. So, you can do or be pretty much anything, as long as you \nstay loyal and appreciative. \n</p>\n<p>\nEverything else is gravy. So, the following is my gravy.\n</p>\n"
},
{
"title": "Be family oriented",
"text": "\n<p>\nI am looking for someone who wants a lifestyle built around creating a relationship and family.\nSomeone whose desire to have and raise children rises from within like a shout of Hallelujah (or whatever). \n</p>\n<p>\nWhen I was in my mid 20s, I got sick for several years. As I saw the road of life narrow, the only thing\nI regretted was not having had a family. It turned out I got better. Now it's time to make\nhay while the sun is shining. \n</p>\n<p>\nIf you don't want, or are unsure about kids, we don't want the same thing.\n</p>\n"
},
{
"title": "Be unappologetically wholesome",
"text": "\n<p>\nThe word that is most commonly used to describe my perfect lifestyle is \"boring\". It includes:\n</p>\n<ol>\n <li>Going to sleep and waking up early.</li>\n\t<li>Not drinking, smoking, or doing drugs.</li>\n\t<li>Avoiding bars, clubs, raves, and other events where the main purpose is to let loose or see and be seen.</li>\n</ol>\n<p>\nAlso, I don't want my future wife to post photos that illicit these emojis: 🔥😅🍑💦.\n</p>\n<p> I know... I know... I'm such a hypocrite. This whole website is \na honey pot for a particular kind of woman (and you've been here for a while... interesting). But, I have a kill switch to take the website down that \nI am dying to push. \n</p>\n<p>Give me a reason... I dare you.\n</p>\n\n"
},
{
"title": "Prioritize health and fitness",
"text": "\n<p>\nSince identifying gut health issues in my late 20s, I have been living the detox / anti-inflammatory life. \n</p>\n<p>\nI gave up many of my favorite foods, take handfuls of supplements, \ncook 95% of my food, got rid off all the plastic in my kitchen. I practice screen discipline,\nreading labels on everything, and I even am became a certified functional health practicitoner. \n</p>\n<p>\nI made these sacrifices for both my own happiness, but also so I will have \nthe vitality to support my future partner and kids. \n</p>\n<p>\nI do a lot more than this too, but listing it all makes me sound insane. Let's just say everyday, it's pervasive. \n90% of what a couple does together is eat and it will be a problem if you are not also about that life. \n</p>\n"
},
{
"title": "My ideal women",
"text": "<p>\nShe is kind but has a dark and transgressive sense of humour. \n</p><p>\nShe is nerdy, but doesn't center her life around nerd stuff. \n</p><p>\nShe has an interest and understanding of the darker aspects of human nature and the universe, but maintains a positive outlook—because, why not? \n</p><p>\nShe has a clarity of purpose that usually only comes from a near death experience. \n</p><p>\nShe enjoys reading aloud and being read to, giving and \nrecieving massages, and meandering conversations where we try on ideas like clothes. \n</p><p>\nShe is interested in astrology because it starts fun conversations, \nwithout beleiving it has any actual significance beyond practicing self-reflection. \n</p><p>\nShe knows time is short and we only get one life, but unashamedly enjoys\ntrash reality TV. \n</p><p>\nPhysically, she has long, naturally colored hair, clear skin, nice teeth, a pretty face, and (as they say on Love Island Australia) a nice rig (Surprise, surprise... conventional beauty standards).\n</p><p>\t\nHeight and hair/eye/skin color do not matter. \n</p><p>\t\t\nI prefer little to no makeup, tattoos, and invasive aesthetic procedures, but will abandon these preferences in two seconds if the rest is there. \n</p>. \n"
}
]
}
{
"id": "faq",
"title": "FAQ",
"type": "faq",
"items": [
{
"question": "Are you a serial killer?",
"answer": "No.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "That is exactly what a serial killer would say.",
"answer": "No. A serial killer would say: \n<blockquote>I’m a 6’3” ex-D1 athlete who made money in real estate and is now semi-retired, spending my time writing poetry and training Labrador Retriever puppies to be service dogs at my farm way, way out in the country.</blockquote>",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Why have you thought so much about what a serial killer would say?",
"answer": "You should think more about what a serial killer would say."
}
]
}
]
},
{
"question": "Are you a narccisist?",
"answer": "\n<p>\nThe latest research on narccisism shows the defining characteristic of a narcissist is self-loathing. Any self-eggranding behavior is to compensate for deep insecurity, and the lashing out they do is when someone gets close enough to see though the illusion. \n</p>\n<p>I am looking for a woman that truely sees and appreciates me. So no.</p>\n<p>The podcast is worth a listen.</p>",
"link": {
"href": "https://youarenotsosmart.com/2021/05/18/yanss-206-how-new-research-reveals-narcissism-isnt-excessive-self-love-but-excessive-self-loathing/",
"name": "Listen"
}
},
{
"question": "Are you autistic?",
"answer": "<p>\nAutism diagnoses were harder to come by in the 90's when my parents first took me to a child psychologist because I was 'having trouble getting along with other kids'. \n</p>\n<p>\nAccording to an online quiz I took recently, I \"show autistic traits well above the population average\". I am fortunate that my life obsession has been understanding and improving my own psychology, and I expect you will be pleasantly surprised by my social skills.\n</p>",
"subQuestions": []
},
{
"question": "This website is wild.",
"answer": "Thank you. Not a question though.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Is this for real?",
"answer": "Yes.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "You're a real person. This isn't some sort of social experiment?",
"answer": "Yes, I am a real person; really trying to meet my wife.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Isn't this a little excessive?",
"answer": "Yes."
}
]
},
{
"question": "Are the shirts for real?",
"answer": "Kind of.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "What does *that* mean?",
"answer": "The merch section started as a joke, but I have been asked to printed several copies.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Wait. Are there actually people wearing 'Date John Teasdale' shirts?",
"answer": "Yes.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "How do I get one?",
"answer": "Ask nicely."
}
]
}
]
}
]
}
]
},
{
"question": "Has it been successful?",
"answer": "<p>I am still single, so by the most important measure it has been 0% successful.\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\t\t\t</p><p>\n\t\tHowever, since creating the website I have been on better dates than before the website. So, it's just a matter of time.\n\t\t</p>",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Tell me about these dates!",
"answer": "No. This website is showy to get attention, but my actual dating stories are only used for entertainment with a select few friends."
}
]
},
{
"question": "How long it been up?",
"answer": "I posted version 1 in January 2023. In been live in its current form (version 4), for about 6 months.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Why it isn't working?",
"answer": "<p>Version 1 was a Google Doc. It had most of the content, with little of the humor. You can imagine how deranged that would make me seem.</p><p>For a more complete answer, see: \"How are you still single?\"</p>"
},
{
"question": "VERSION 4‽ WHY?",
"answer": "<p>I have completely rewritten the code for DateJohnTeasdale.com three times as fun way to exercise my technical skills.</p><p> I also track analytics about where people stop reading and enjoy coming up with creative ways to keep people engaged.</p>",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Are you're still working on it?",
"answer": "Yes. I'll keep working on sporatically while I'm single and it's fun. If it's released, Version 4.3 will have an amazing personality / compatability quiz of my own design."
}
]
}
]
},
{
"question": "Will you make me a website?",
"answer": "No.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Please?",
"answer": "<p>Okay, fine.</p>",
"link": {
"name": "Create your profile",
"href": "/me"
},
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "I don't know what to write.",
"answer": "Start with a google doc. Knowing who you are and what you want well enough to write the content is the main part that matters. "
}
]
}
]
},
{
"question": "What tech stack did you use?",
"answer": "Keep in on LinkedIn you nerd.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "🤓😢",
"answer": "SvelteKit + Firebase on Vercel"
}
]
}
]
},
{
"question": "Did you have to do all this just to get dates?",
"answer": "Counterintuitivly, I did all of this to go on less dates."
},
{
"question": "I found a spelling / grammer mistake.",
"answer": "I do that. I will get around to fixing it and probably make a different one in the process. Was that it?",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Yup!",
"answer": "👍"
},
{
"question": "Actually...🥰",
"answer": "If you can't keep it together long enough to engage with me as a person before nitpicking my presentation, then we are not a good match."
}
]
},
{
"question": "Are you this funny in person?",
"answer": "No."
},
{
"question": "Why doesn't every guy do this?",
"answer": "<p>They can't. </p><p>All of this, <em>*gestures toward custom web-app that is engaging and well-written enough for you to have spent <strong>{{pageTime}}</strong> exploring it*</em>, is harder to do than it looks. ChatGPT is not this good yet.</p>\n<p>I take it you like my creativity and forthrightness, but are otherwise not interested in me?</p>",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Yup!",
"answer": "👍"
},
{
"question": "Woooah there, sexy boy, I didn't mean that",
"answer": "Well, hey there. Send me a message."
},
{
"question": "You didn't use ChatGPT?!?!",
"answer": "Nope.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Really? ",
"answer": "Yup. ",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Not even a little bit?",
"answer": "Not even a little.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Come on, I can keep a secret. Now that it's just us here... tell me the truth.",
"answer": "This site is all me. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm not ready to turn the expresson of my soul's inner workings over to the machines just yet."
}
]
}
]
}
]
}
]
},
{
"question": "Are you open to new software engineering opportunitues?",
"answer": "<p>I am happily employed, but my DMs are open for remote work.</p><p>While monogamous... I am polyvocational.</p>"
},
{
"question": "We’re not a match, but I find you fascinating. Can we talk anyways?",
"answer": "Do you live nearby?",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Yes",
"answer": "Reach out! We can work something out."
},
{
"question": "Nooooo 😭",
"answer": "Unless you’re a podcaster or have some other platform that can expand the reach of the site, I’d only video call with people who are romantically interested in me.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "But I know so many people who would be perfect for you!",
"answer": "Well then! Allow me to introduce you to the: ",
"link": {
"name": "Date John Teasdale Affiliate Program!",
"href": "/affiliates"
}
},
{
"question": "Will you be on my podcast?",
"answer": "Yes.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "Just like that? No conditions?",
"answer": "If it helps me find my wife, I would be on a show called 'Delusional Fuckheads'."
}
]
}
]
}
]
},
{
"question": "How are you still single?",
"answer": "I have a terrible personality.",
"subQuestions": [
{
"question": "No, really. What's the deal?",
"answer": "\n<p>I think about this often.</p>\n\n<p>I get a lot of attention from this website. While getting attention was the whole idea, I know enough human psychology to recognize the \n danger that I will get addicted to it and subconsiously self-sabotage my true goal of finding my wife.\n</p>\n<p>\nThe brain is a tricky thing but I do not think this has happened yet, and I follow a couple of personal rules to guard against this.\n</p>\n\n<p>As for why I'm single, I can think of three reasons:</p>\n<p>\n<strong>First</strong>, I spent the majority of my 20s dealing with health issues that defied diagnosis. I did have two significant relationships, but\ncould not show up for them like I needed to.\n</p>\n<p>\nRelated, having food sensativies is not manly; it's hard to sell myself as a protector and provider when I can be defeated by a croissant. \n</p>\n<p>\n<strong>Second</strong>, from the end my last relationship until June 2024, I have been fairly nomadic. Now, I have settled into a beautiful home \nand have cultivated an appealing lifestyle.\n</p>\n<p>\nSo, like a tropical bird in a David Attenbourough documentary, I expect my efforts will create mating opportunities soon.\n</p>\n<p>\n<strong>Third</strong>, I am offering a specific life that's off the beaten path and have high, admittedly out-of-date standards for my partner. So the center of \nthe \"Women I'd Like\" and \"Women Who'd Like Me\" Venn-Diagram is small.\n</p>\n<p>\nHowever, I may be the only single and looking person in 2024 who is actually enjoying dating, and until that changes I can be as picky as I want. After all, I only need to find one.\n</p>\n\n<p>\nBonus reason! When women actually ask me this, I give this exact answer. I could say something appropriate like: \n</p>\n\n<blockquote>\"I haven't found my match yet, but I liked your profile! Why don't we get to know each other over dinner this Saturday?\"</blockquote>\n\n<p>But where's the fun in that?</p>\n"
}
]
},
{
"question": "This is too good to be true.",
"answer": "\n\t\t\t\t<p>So, you read through everything, clicked all the FAQs, and your main thought was: </p>\n\t\t\t\t<blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t<p>This highly opinionated, potentially autistic man is so damn sexy that this must be a ploy to build a harem to rival that of the last Emperor of Constantinople. </p>\n\t\t\t\t</blockquote>\n\t\t\t\t<p><strong>Congratulations</strong> we are actually compatable. ⬇️</p>",
"link": {
"name": "Send me a Message",
"href": "/message"
}
}
]
}
{
"id": "fin",
"type": "text",
"fun": true,
"title": "Congratulations!",
"cards": [],
"text": "<p>I have a special present for you...</p>\n<p>Look at the bottom right of the screen, I've added a button that opens the Table of Contents. You've earned it.</p>\n<p>What are you going to do now?</p>\n",
"links": [
{
"title": "Send Me a Message",
"url": "/message"
},
{
"title": "Stalk Me on Instagram",
"url": "https://instagram.com/johnpeterteasdale"
},
{
"title": "Join my Affiliate Program! ",
"url": "/affiliates"
}
]
}